Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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