So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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