I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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