I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As shirtless as possible
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
