Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
