Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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