Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
