dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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