True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
