at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
