After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
