hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
