please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
