my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
