oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
