I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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