He is such a slut. More and more my type.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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