You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
