I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize