He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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