Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
