your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize