he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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