after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
