I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
