Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
