As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
