I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
