I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The air was thick with penises
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
