My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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