she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
3pm strippers are depressing
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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