A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
