We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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