Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
