help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
