Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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