Tell her she can't have a vagina
i need an iv and a liver transplant
if only i could text you this smell
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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