Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
