I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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