now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
