he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
