just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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