Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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