this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
