theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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