yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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