dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
