i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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