so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
