I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
