My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
