yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
