Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
