I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
