someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
