I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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