Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
