listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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