I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
