i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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