she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We left an ass print on the piano.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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