I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
