I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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