Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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