Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
His nipple licking is glorious
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