Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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