OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
