Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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