Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
