worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
