hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
