do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
