She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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