I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I want to fling myself into the sun
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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