I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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