i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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