i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
