At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
