The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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