3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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