Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
