we have pet lesbian snakes
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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