My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
