dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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